Salty Anger

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"But Lot's wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt."

Genesis 19:26, ESV

Crows, garbage trucks, strollers, paper blowing in the wind, nothing visible to the human eye...it's all so distracting and fascinating!

At least to my fur child. When something catches Squirrel's eye, we simply must stop and stare at it until it's out of range. I'll stop for his viewing pleasure while we're on a walk but not when we're running. Thus, he'll try to keep jogging while in a c-shape, craning his head to keep sight of whatever is so fascinating. This pretty much turns our run into a walk with high knees, since he can't run very fast when his head is by his butt.

A good lesson for all of us.

I have a bad habit that I've struggled with since childhood. I love to replay past situations over and over in my head, analyzing them, fixing arguments I wish I had worded better, saying things in my head that I couldn't - and shouldn't - say out loud at the time. I then proceed to get myself angry and upset all over again, even months (years?!) later.

I don't know if anyone else does this; it could very possibly be a "me" thing. It seems safe to assume, though, that we can all struggle with spending too much time in the past. Maybe it's dwelling on sins or mistakes. Maybe it's dwelling on old trauma. Maybe it's dwelling on regrets. Whatever it is, it slows down our ability to move forward, just as looking back slows Squirrel's pace down.

There is a time and place for looking back, especially if it is to learn important lessons so as to not repeat mistakes. But we can't run forward in the race God has for us with our heads facing backward. It makes me think of how Lot's wife got herself into trouble looking back at what she had left behind. I always wondered if she was turned literally into a pillar of salt or metaphorically since her death and final resting place were by the Dead Sea where there are, in fact, pillars of salt. Either way, her fate is one I would like to avoid, no matter how much I love an abundance of sodium on my food.

This past week in particular there was something that happened at work that made me angry. Like...AAAAAANGRY. I found myself rolling the situation around in my head on endless repeat until I was arguably more upset than even when the incident first occurred.

This accomplished, well, nothing. It didn't resolve the conflict with the other person, and it didn't draw me closer to God. In fact, it did a bang up job of separating my heart from both my coworker and my Lord.

The past belongs to God. So does the future. The present, well, that's His too...but it's the only place I can actively serve him. But I can't do that when I'm trying to run with my head by my butt.

So, Lord, I'm still smarting over the disrespect. But if I want to actually BE smart, I need to leave the past in the past and look to what you would have me to right now to mend what is broken.