Back to Egypt

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"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6, ESV

I've been ready to leave my current job for a while. It's been a rough year - following many other rough years - , but it was really when I came back from my June vacation that I realized how done I was. No one ever likes the Monday following a vacation, but I remember feeling a heaviness in my soul that left me feeling like I couldn't breathe.

It hit me: I had been happy on vacation. And it had been so long since I had felt happy, I had forgotten what it felt like. Once I remembered, I couldn't go back.

Fast forward a few months and a million prayers, and I got secured an internal transfer! It felt like a rainbow in the clouds and a heavy weight off my shoulders. No, an elephant off my shoulders. Scratch that. A blue whale.

This past week I started to transfer into the new position. It was...terrifying. Overwhelming. I had no idea what was going on. It was all new lingo I didn't understand. Countless emails, slack chats, and meetings where it felt like I was listening to Charlie Brown's parents.

I made it through the day and to my car, then proceeded to break down in tears. What was I thinking? I can't be a program manager! I never should have done this. I should have just kept my old job. Was it really that bad?!

I should have stayed in Egypt. I'm going to die out here in this wilderness. Why would God bring me out here with no food or water? I'd rather go back to slavery!

....sound familiar?

I'm never judging those Israelites again.

Oh boy, God smacked me right between the eyes with that one. I'm like Squirrel on the deck. He begs and begs to go out, but once he's outside and realizes someone's doing yard work (he hates leaf blowers), he's clawing through the door to get back inside.

Much like the Israelites, I fell into the trap of fear and amnesia, telling myself that what God was taking me into was much worse than what he had brought me out of. I was desperate to get out of my past job, and for valid reasons. I firmly believe this new job is a door that He opened. So why did I start to think that He wouldn't walk with me into this Promised Land, through all the battles in front of me?

Well, because more often than not, God fights our battles with us, instead of sparing us the battle entirely. Odds are, this new job will be hard. But God has not left me alone in the transition, and my guess is, there is something special for me to learn and experience if I lean in, instead of running away.

Be strong, Meg, in the face of your new challenges. Be courageous, my Squirrel, in the roar of the leaf blower. The LORD is with you.